i lost my grandma’s ring

i lost my grandma’s ring. i wore it on her birthday.

i was babysitting. standing at the sink washing dishes watching it flip around my finger awkwardly trying to hold the glass bowl and sponge without scraping it.

“it would be easier if i took it off,” i thought. “i don’t have a front pocket. i don’t want to lose it. window sill? i’ll forget it.”

“are you still hungry?” i asked.

the three kids were glued to their screens, living in other worlds.

“where are you?”

“i’m going up the ski lift”

“G? I can’t find you? where’s the killer? you’re cutting out, i can’t hear you.”

they were sitting at the kitchen table. fingers sticky from maple syrup.

“is anyone still hungry? do you want more to eat? strawberries or apples? anything?”

nothing.

“it would be easier if i took off this ring”

the bowl. slippery fingers. sudsy sponge. garbage disposal.

“i found him!! kill him! quick!”

the moment.

washing the bowl more easily now, i thought, ” i should have done this sooner, it’s so much easier now”

i lost my grandma’s ring.

it’s still here somewhere.

that’s the thing. it was metal and stone. it didn’t dissolve.

matter is neither created nor destroyed.

i cried at a goodwill. my girlfriend found the exact thing i had just bought her new. but she didn’t know.

if you look hard enough you will find exactly what you’re looking for.

eventually.

my grandma had 100 rings. we sat on her bed in her nursing home. she didn’t care about any of them. i could have had the whole box. there was only one she kept talking about. it was a ruby maybe. she gave it to her daughter, maybe. she mailed it back to her because she didn’t want it, maybe.

i sat in the staff room with my coworker, before she was my girlfriend, before she was my friend. she sat next to me. i got a text. “my grandma just died”

“oh. i’m sorry”

“yea, it’s kinda weird, i’m mostly sad for my mom. i’m kinda happy she’s gone, she’s definitely happier now.”

“yea, i get that”

she took a sip of coffee. i went back to work.

i lost my grandma’s ring.

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